I’m sorry to those that follow my blog for travel stories but sometimes the only way for me to make sense of a situation in to write about it. You should see my drafts on here, it’s a little bit different but a coping mechanism is a coping mechanism and if it works, you can’t knock it.
I’ve had a challenging year like I think most people but I’m finally starting to see the flip side of many of the negative thing’s I’ve come across this year. In December 2019, I started having fits again, I’ve had (controlled) epilepsy since I was about 11/12 and until now, always been ashamed and hidden behind it. I literally tell nobody and it’s nice knowing my blogs don’t get much attention so this is still for me. The frequent fits continued for months. The family trip to New York my brother shouted ‘earth quake’ each time I lost my standing/fell to make it less embarrassing for me, driving licence was taken away for a year (which for someone that lives in ass end of nowhere feels like the end of the world) and numerous friendships/relationships deteriorated. Now I don’t want a pity party, I wan’t people to know that although bad sh*t happens, things do change. Yes I was covered in burns, woke up wondering if I’d chewed my mouth up, couldn’t cook for myself, too scared to hold drinks but it was only a temporary state and boy have a learned a lot.
The friendships I’ve lost through the lack of running around after my friends – they clearly were not there for me as much as I was for them so it’s fine. I’ve learnt who my true friends are. Decrease in opinion of self worth? It was horrible feeling incapable and like a problem to those around me for around 11 months, but finally I’ve realised I’ve been able to focus on myself, working two jobs, saving money and planning how I want my life to be. The lack of Independence? I’m moving to a new city where I won’t have to rely on driving and although most days in February I couldn’t even walk without support, I still made it to my job everyday with support of my family. I would have fits in the morning, burn myself with hot coffee that wasn’t safe to hold and then head to my job and not stand up or have a warm lunch because I’m bloody determined not to let it change my life. Epilepsy does not define me and i am no longer ashamed of it (as much as I was anyway, I’m still not best pleased about it but I’m more comfortable).
Things are changing, new oppitunities are starting to arise and things are looking better. I’m stuck with this for life so the sooner I accept it the better. Dis bish is on new medication and sorting my life out🥰✈️
Over and out, next blog will be back to travel x
Lucy’s Travel Diary 